Today, when I was hanging out at that 7-11 which CQ, Stitch and me always go to, it came to me all of a sudden. So I ask again,
"Should I do an eye surgery?"
For those who don't know me or how my eyes are really like, I have this thing called 'Lazy eye'. Since young, I only use my left eye which is your right. Due to this, I control both eyes at the same time. Now, my right eyeball stays at a corner of my eye.
Starting from Primary four, I was called names like 'cockeye'. It has been bothering me for that year. I soon ignored it. But still, people around me are so insensitive. Only those few like Gin, Tiffany, Corliss, Maeshen, CQ, Stitch and more, they quite understand me and this condition. How about the rest? I mean, I know they dont understand but at least.. You know.. Ask it in a polite way like 'Excuse me but can I know why your eyes are like this?' or 'May I know how your eyes become like this?' At least I wouldn't get a hit in the face, right?
From what I feel and see, this thing actually matters a lot to the people around me. The looks is the first impression. I don't feel really cared for as much as those better looking ones. I guess that is how they think: "Ah, Sandy has these eyes. I should find others", "I rather join the normal ones", "I should join them. They look cooler"
I don't know. Maybe I am wrong.
What makes me feel like this was that once when I sawTeuk at that 7-11, when I waved to him, he had a tao face. I mean, you know those strict faces? Yup. That face. He just walked pass me and left for the cashier. And when he got out, he was talking to his friends happily again. Maybe he is like this all the time? I don't know but this is the message I am receiving: you are not one of those girls, you are different
Hopefully it isn't.
Just hope.
But don't worry, Secondary school was bad. It was fine. Other than the occasional jokes made by those playful classmates, it was fine. Thanks, 2E2. Thanks a lot.
The surgery came to me because the previous visit to the clinic near my house, the doctor saw my eyes. He suggested an eye surgery. My parents, especially my dad who was strongly disagreeing, said no.
"It is so risky. How can we let you go? But as long as you are fine, it is up to you."
My dad is a protective guy. He loves us and doesn't want to lose us.
So I asked my classmates. No one gave a comment. I only got likes. But my wonderful Jasmine ^^ that sweet girl , she texted me about it. She asked why I had this eye problem. There was one message that really touched me.
You are who you are. People will accept. It's your choice. Is it dangerous for the opt?
Yes. We are who we are. Thanks ^^
But when those people tell us to be who we are, they judge us.
"No"
"Why?"
"I rather you be like this."
Thanks KELLYTANCQ XD Thanks for loving me for who I am.
I maybe selfish but I want this kind of love, more of it. I may not feel it but, I just want that feeling. When you arlying around alone, people will approach you. When you are going to leave school, they ask if I wanna hang out with them. When you are silent, people want to talk with you. But I only witness these scenes.
I have been sighing this evening. I am tired. I feel tired, physically and mentally. I dont know what to do.
So guys, what if I go for an eye surgery? What will you guys do? And what if it fails and my right eye goes blind?
I need answers. Please do not hesitate if your views may hurt. I rather hear the ugly truth than those beautiful lies that are sweet to the ears. Can you all speak out to me? Please?
Thank you.
The ending for this post will be different.
God bless us all. And remember, no one is perfect; we are who we are; the only perfect people are fakers.