Next time, I will never say a thing. I will bottle up everything, only me, I will be the only one who know and understand what I am going through internally. I will never complain, I will just shut up.
Though it is tough, I have to go through it in order to get to the end of it.
Though I want to be like my other friends who are go care free, I choose to help my bestie, help her with what she is struggling because I know, I understand more than anyone else. If I leave her alone, I would be the world's most heartless person. Plus, I cannot stand aside and let her cry, I cannot stand aside and let her carry everything herself. I want to help her, I want to be a bestie to her.
I know how it feels when no one cares, I know how it feels to be alone in your own world. I have been through it.
Bad memories of that idiotic girl who gang up with others to bully me. I hated her. But at that time, I was a person who hardly speak out or go against the bad. When she snatch the others away from me, I shut up and walked behind. When she and her friend, (this friend is now a harmless one to me), gang up and scold me together, I shut up and let them. Probably, I was the dumbest girl back then. Why didn't I fight back? Because I was scared, afraid. When I switched class which without her during primary 5, guess who became a badass? I found more awesome people and I knew that I need not to be afraid anymore. Who needed her? My entire class never liked her. Now, I can talk to that idiotic girl and forget of what she has done, but I will never forgive for her scars she left in my memories for two years.
But I guess, bad memories was not as bad as it was. They have made today's Sandy.
Back to where I left off, I never want another person to be a victim of being lonely. My bestie, she may be afraid now, afraid that her 'brother' wouldn't care anymore, she might be afraid of facing it. And right now, she needs help. I want to be the help.
Seeing her like this is heartaching, not eating, puking. I don't like it.
But here, I have my mum telling me what I should do. I understand my mum, what she is trying to say. I love her but I felt that for the past year, I was never a good friend. I want to be one. That is why, mum. Thank you for your nagging and advising but I know what I am doing.
For now, I will keep my hardships to myself.
For everyone, please look at your friends and ask if they need help. They may be in a hard time. I also do not want anyone of them to be alone and helpless like what I was.
God bless us, Jesus love us.
Okthxbye
