Why.

I came home today, tired, wanting to rest. But they were watching a movie, it was an old film, horror. I liked that show. It was interesting. I watching for about 15 to 20 minutes. It was hitting to the climax. I wanted to watch badly.
"Sandy, go bathe." My mum called. I told her to hold on, I wanted to watch.
Then came the nags and lectures. Just to watch for a while more, due to my excitement, and I get this? These? The worst part was she brought things about yesterday.
Who did not know that we were going to somewhere? Me.
But who told me about it? No one!
Yesterday, I reached home at 6pm. There was no sign, no one talked about it. So I bathe, imagining what dinner would be for the night. But she scolded me for taking a long time. What thing?
Without me knowing, expect me to move fast. And anyways, I nearly got asthma. I was panting so much. When we came back, I had to pack my bag. I went to sleep at 10:30pm but slept at 11:00pm. Forget all those, the next day, she scolded me for forgetting to wash the tea cups. I was tired.
Why can't you understand, mum?
When you try to, you think you do but you don't! I appreciate it, but when I am trying to say, you keep cutting me off. And when I want to tell you something, you blame me for cutting you.
What is wrong with the world??!
Mum, if you are reading this because someone showed it to you, I want to let you know that I am like hating on you, I want to vent my anger on the internet because everyone else is innocent. And I hope you understand.
I am going through a lot of things. This year, streaming year. I have to work hard on my studies. Recently, I was added to fun fitt, meaning I am slightly overweight; I have to take care of my health. In class, since it is small, the same old people including me have to do up a lot of stuff. For the past few weeks, I had a friend with problems, I have to be with her, there for her. Recently, because of the problems, she can't take care of herself. I am worried. At home, I have chores, family members and stuff to care of.
I know, if I can't handle it, talk to a teacher especially about my friend's problem. I would have done long ago but I know how my friend will be embarrass. I will stand by her, help her, okay? I want to. I have to.
Things run between us, only us. I keep her secrets, she keeps mine. No betrayal.
How I wish I can cry. I have all these to juggle. But everyone and this world is getting more demanding. Problems appear, it takes two hands to clap. But it seems, everything is my fault, I am the cause. And no one understands. Only when I open my mouth, they will. If I shut up, no one would even ask. How much it hurts. Now, I wonder, "Has anyone really, really cared or appreciated my presence?"
I am tired. Now, I can't see that 2012 is a better year.
Though I know God knows what I am going through, but I still don't understand. What have I done to get all this? I really don't know.
Just forget it. Whatever. Aish.
Anyways, I feel better now. I will be happier in the tomorrow. No worries. Okay. Whatever.
God bless, Jesus love you.
Wait. By the way, go check out SHINee's MV.
Okay.
Okthxbye

Next time

Next time, I will never say a thing. I will bottle up everything, only me, I will be the only one who know and understand what I am going through internally. I will never complain, I will just shut up.
Though it is tough, I have to go through it in order to get to the end of it.
Though I want to be like my other friends who are go care free, I choose to help my bestie, help her with what she is struggling because I know, I understand more than anyone else. If I leave her alone, I would be the world's most heartless person. Plus, I cannot stand aside and let her cry, I cannot stand aside and let her carry everything herself. I want to help her, I want to be a bestie to her.
I know how it feels when no one cares, I know how it feels to be alone in your own world. I have been through it.
Bad memories of that idiotic girl who gang up with others to bully me. I hated her. But at that time, I was a person who hardly speak out or go against the bad. When she snatch the others away from me, I shut up and walked behind. When she and her friend, (this friend is now a harmless one to me), gang up and scold me together, I shut up and let them. Probably, I was the dumbest girl back then. Why didn't I fight back? Because I was scared, afraid. When I switched class which without her during primary 5, guess who became a badass? I found more awesome people and I knew that I need not to be afraid anymore. Who needed her? My entire class never liked her. Now, I can talk to that idiotic girl and forget of what she has done, but I will never forgive for her scars she left in my memories for two years.
But I guess, bad memories was not as bad as it was. They have made today's Sandy.
Back to where I left off, I never want another person to be a victim of being lonely. My bestie, she may be afraid now, afraid that her 'brother' wouldn't care anymore, she might be afraid of facing it. And right now, she needs help. I want to be the help.
Seeing her like this is heartaching, not eating, puking. I don't like it.
But here, I have my mum telling me what I should do. I understand my mum, what she is trying to say. I love her but I felt that for the past year, I was never a good friend. I want to be one. That is why, mum. Thank you for your nagging and advising but I know what I am doing.
For now, I will keep my hardships to myself.
For everyone, please look at your friends and ask if they need help. They may be in a hard time. I also do not want anyone of them to be alone and helpless like what I was.
God bless us, Jesus love us.
Okthxbye

Unexpectedly

OMG~~ Let me show y'all a picture~~

400 effin' views~~ Oh my gaaddddd~~~

Thank you all for reading my posts, especially my friends~~ I love all of you~~

God bless you, Jesus <3 you, and I <3 you all too ^^

Okthxbye

I hid what was really unfair behind my poker face.

Today, a Friday. We should be smiling, right? But not this Friday. It was so disappointing.
Actually, our class was the happiest of all because we got the best class award which means....

AIR-CON

So, yesterday, we moved into the air-con room. Wah, amazed, comfort, we like it like it like it~ Got new table, clean clean, can rub your face on top also no pimple; got roller chair, go to your seat? Can, *slide across* WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~~~; 25 degree Celsius + fans to blow at us~~~~~ Shiok ahhh~~~

BUT

Today, a Friday, ruin our fun time. My cher say have to change table just in case the next class is bigger, not so mah fan. That one, sua, nevermind. Then later in the day, one of the staff of the school said must do it after school. We did not complain. So after school, we moved the tables from B2 to 2nd floor. We very kind liao, we did not complain. Why? Got that roller chair mah... But then, wtf, kena remove also. What the? Take my anti-pimple table, now my roller chair. What is this? Huh? Say wad wad, can keep chair. So your 'keep the chairs' is to remove it ah? Wah, very pro sia. Like seriously?

The previous class was a sec one class, it was okay. We senior, we do lah. But the problem is, they get the new table and chair, we? Dusty tables and chairs that make sounds? For a senior, we get this? Huh? Very fair sia, so kind of you guys, THANK YOU. 

Hello, we also human, move up 4 levels with a table that needs to be carried with both hands and heavy through the crowds at different levels, trying not to hit anyone and any of our peers by accident. We are only sec 2, doing that is tiring, especially for the girls. For the sake of the girls, some of the guys offered help and you know what? They carrying for them. Eh, two tables eh, I one table carry like siao, two tables? Our class boys are kind, kay? 

So we arrived with some sweat on our foreheads. We had to rearrange the class setting again, by ourselves. We worked together. Until work was done, what was the news? What was the news?

"Move out the chairs"

What did you SAYYYYYYY??!!

Whawhawhat??!! Like seriously? Then one of the staff just remove my bag off my chair, put it onto the dusty table and went off with the chair- Wait.. WHAT. MY BAG. MY PRECIOUS BAG ON THE DUSTY TABLE?? OH NO, YOU. DID. NOT. JUST. DO. THAT.

And he removed my friend's bag also. Eh, things also not yours then any how touch. You bigger than me, I know but my thing, right? You are an adult but it does not make you the owner of my bag .__. 

What was worse? My class entirely, on their faces, pissed. Not because of remove chair eh, is you all just now say no need, now say need. Like seriously?

*skippppp*

I ate my lunch. Then I felt bored. I called mah bestie. They were at the room where our class used for lessons. I went to find them. I saw themmmmmmm~~ Oh, my babies, I am here. Anyone missed me?

They were like in a row. I thought they were lining up. Then I found out. Tears rolling down cheeks. 

Why?

What happen?

Who bully them?

Y U NO TELL ME WHAT HAPPEN?

Then one of them start telling. It was the unfairness. See? See??!! You humans. Make them cry siol. Mcnugget. See ah, tables, who move? Make sure everything in good condition, who made sure? Make sure air con off, who made sure? WE DID. This, for the best class, you think reasonable anot? You tell me lah. No right? Like seriously, I would rather go back to my own classroom for lessons.

I was angry inside but leave that aside, my friends were crying. I angry, for what? that one will make them happy ah? No lah. I must like... Comfort them lah. A pat on the shoulder. A hug, it's free. But one of them hor, look so piss off. So scary, my friend, if you are reading this, you are a pro. I love you~~~ Aahhh~~ But in the end, she cried also. I felt like crying also. Look at the way they cry. Look at the those red nose, blood shot eyes, swollen lips. Look at them complain. We are only 14, do this do that, of course tired right? Unfairness, you and I also dun like right? EXACTLY. I wanted to cry because they cried! I mean, you see your friends cry, you still can smile smile and laugh laugh at their faces ah? Yalor! *sigh* One of them, the one who we made a monster who is always smiling and crazy, hug me and cried. Aiyooooo. Evil staff humans- You are not even humans! Hurt my friends lah. The one who was pissed off also cry. Now everybody cry.

Well, then Mr Eric, one of the OMs, came to us, wanting to talk to us. We said this, asked that, he answered and explained. My problem is not about the previous using new tables and chairs, and also not about us using old tables and chairs, it was about why you all did not plan? Why did not really make everything properly? "The previous class was a trial" "After that, we found out that..." 

I am thankful to Mr Eric and my co-form teacher for talking with us, I appreciate that but have you ever put yourself in our shoes? Have you? Have you all thought of how we felt? Wanna know why you can't understand our feelings at that point of time? Because at that time, when you all were teenagers, got this kind of thing? Most likely, no? See it now? *sigh* After the talk, they walked off. I wanted to approach them but.. I thought, if you were pissed, you don't want anyone to disturb you right? So, I should give them time to calm down. I think it was a good choice to make, right, God? ^^

About my title of this post, poker face, I covered up my real feelings by showing to everyone around me that I was not angry because they may feel worse. What they may actually need at that time was probably was concern and comfort from someone who understand and know the situation. I am not saying that I really really really understand what they were in but if I don't give them a hug or a pat on the shoulder, who will? My sister? Of course not. I decided, I should give out my concern. I want to be a friend, the best I can be. I never want to be a suckish one. That is why ^^ Smiling as if nothing happened, laugh like I ever did because life is too short to be sad ^^ Live it to its fullest and with meaningful experiences ^^

Bye, gotta go~~

God bless us, Jesus loves us ^^

Okthxbye