Luck

I love him.
He loves her.
And she loves him.
Some people are just lucky.
Some are just... just not as fortunate enough.
And I am one of the unfortunate.
People live the happily-ever-after,
I just watch.
Because he loves her, and she loves him.
I love him but I can't.
I watch silently, behind walls. I fake a smile and pretend that I give a blessing. Deep inside was no longer a strong girl.
It was a weakling.
In tears, in pain.
Maybe faking it would be easier.
So that no one would pity me.
So I sit alone as I watch.
She pushes him and he pushes her back. Her giggles were nothing, but I just wish that i was the one giggling. When I see a smile on his face, I just forget. I forget that he is in love with her. Whatever else didn't matter at all.
Because that smile.
That smile puts another on my face.
Sometimes I laugh to myself.
This is funny.
Why do I even carry a hope that doesn't exist?
He doesn't even look at me, he doesn't even think of me. All in his mind might probably be her.
Just like me, he puts her in front of everything. And he was.. another lucky guy who wins whatever he wants.
She was a nice lady.
Totally harmless.
So I don't hold a urge against her. Because she was just like me, crazy in love. And just like me, she puts him in front of everything. She was another lucky young lady, living the dream of a perfect love life.
They were having the perfect happy ending.
I?
I am like the old man that sits alone in the park. All that he had was the breeze blowing in his face and the burden of the world that seems to ignore him.
I have nothing.
Not even a nice and understanding guy friend.
And yes, I want a guy friend.
Everyone around me has one.
They are lucky people.
I wasn't, I am not even close to be like them.
I just wish that someday, someobe would tell me that I am looking good, or tell me that it is great to see me around. I just wish that some guy cared. Just say goodbye or take care.
But unlike them, I am just an unfortunate person.
So I shut the doors around me and seal the windows. I built a tall wall around me.
So no one sees me.
Because my heart is as unfortunate as me, it always breaks and now, full of scars.
I just hope.
A hope that someday, a guy sees that brick wall. I wish he tries to break it or climbs over it. I pray that some guy would take care of me and my precious heart. I hope that he would put the world down and pick my mind, put it at ease, tell it that it is okay to look ugly or look unattractive.
Because he would be there always, and say that I am beautiful in my way.
And that guy, if you are anywhere, I pray that you live safely and I hope that you come quickly.
So that I know that the hope I have exists.
It exists for you.