This is the 21st century, not the 1980s.

Being a student isn't as easy as it is these days. My mum said this:

"All you have to do is studying, it is very easy."

Oh, really?

Firstly, if studying was as easy as you think, I would have been the first five in class.

Secondly, I am not a book person.

Mum, see it now?

Why I didn't tell you anything?

Because no one asked or wanted to know me at home. I am not blaming. I know you will be thinking that why I didn't went to you instead. If I always have to be the one who has to move, wouldn't I be tired of living like that? And I always do so, may it be in school or at home. In school, there are a rare number of people who will approach me and talk to me. I always have to go to others and pull my chair to their table and say, "Hi!"

At home, I always have to go to my sisters and talk to them, have fun. My parents? I thought parents would approach their kids first? Because of I am sick and tired of calling "Mummy, mummy, in school today..."

I rarely call on my dad. The way he responds is not what I really want.

"Stupid teenagers."

I know I get angry when they insult my friends but see how he generalises my generation? We are stupid, huh?

Other than insulting my generation, he indirectly discourages me in my singing.

Dad, if you are reading this, read this carefully.

He just tease me a couple of times. I am not scared when I sing in front of him but when he insults, it is irritating. I may be dumb but when I watch shows like America Got Talent, X-Factor and America Idol, parents would be there to support their kids. I don't see how he is supporting me. Because of his behaviour, my sister was angry. She told my dad about her dream of being an idol but she told me that he rejected and refused to let her follow her dreams.

Back to my mum, I cried because of her last night. Not because she scold me or nag at me; I am used to that; it is because she never ask about what happened today or what my dreams were. She just sticks to her bed and want massages from me. I am not a massaging-ish person but she expects a standard. What the?

I bet she doesn't know of all the problems I am facing in school. She will never know until she asks. All she thinks is my besties are not good friends. She doesn't know who my besties are. I just wanna say that Kelly is my best friend who is there for me always, Natalie is a wild girl who can change the atmosphere to a positive one and Joy is a girl who uses her sarcasm to male others laugh. My mum only likes Nadhirah and Jasmine. She judges them by the few actions they made. She was the one who said "Never judge a book by its cover."

All I wanna say is Mum, never judge people when you will never live their lives.

Mum and Dad, I love you two but maybe things are not clicking. I hope you two understand how I feel and now, you wouldn't push that hard on me on my studies. I am sure encouraging would be better, plus I didn't fail any subjects.

The syllables (however you spell that xD) are changing, we are not prepared for it.

My dreams are far away from my studies. Though I know a dipolma is indeed important in this world, I don't really care because as long as I can go for it, I will go for it. I can't be a book worm. I need colours in my life and wild adventures for experiences and stuff like that. I want to be different. That is all I want.

Okthxbye

Heart aching

Before you read, I just need to say..

HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY!

I don't know where to start. Let me try to give a starting for this. It was a normal day, though it was Mothers' Day, I didn't feel well about it. I knew something was going to happen. You know, girls' sixth sense?

I just went to my neighbour's house to teach Yeeteng her spelling and also look after their cute baby boy, Yeechen.

Isn't he cute?

I trusted Yeeteng could do it on her own, so I decided to carry him around the corridor to see the view outside. He was having fever that his cheeks were red. His body was burning me too. 

"Carcar~"

"See! Bus~~"

"Taxi taxi~"

I kept saying but he wasn't cheerful though. He just stared into space, not at the cars that he will always call at. I thought that it was kinda usual because he was sick. The bad feeling was stronger at that time when I turn back to see him in my arms, he was leaning towards his right as his hands was trembling badly. I caught him back up and then he was fine. I thought that it was just me, me and my feelings being too sensitive. I guess babies have physical habits also. So, I just played with him. Soon, seeing him cheerful, I thought everything would be fine. But. No. I was wrong.

I just got out of their house, going to click the doorbell for someone to open the door in my house. Suddenly.

"Yeechen! Yeechen!"

I can't explain this but it was terribly horrifying as I heard the screams. They said his hands were shaking, eyes rolling and his teeth were showing. I seriously can't explain my feelings. I saw how their mother was panicking and she was praying in front of their late grandmother. It aches me. She was panicking without her mother beside her, she wasn't experienced over unexpected things like that. Their father was calling on the child who was unexpectedly in such a condition. How scary. But, at moments like this, we had to try to stay calm. Pray the boy, the cute and cheerful kid. I prayed with my friend and sisters. God is a great man. After two minutes of panicking and praying, he woke up, crying. At least he was crying. He vomited something that I didn't questioned about. They took him to KK hospital. Relief? No, I wasn't. He was 14 months old, a baby. No joke.

It was horror for that 5 minutes but I have seen things related to Mothers' Day with my own eyes.

The mother of the 14-month old baby boy was praying in front of her ancestors. The way she was panicking for the child, wanting him to be save. That is what all mothers will do, their love. I was touched, at the same time, heart aching. 

Now, after a call from their mother, I am sure he is safe. He is still on fever. I hope it will go away and when he comes back, we will be laughing with him at funny actions. That will happen, right, God? It is Mothers' Day too ^^ I am sure our Lord will bless the kid and love him for his cuteness and happiness he has brought and will bring to us. ^^ Thank you, God, thank you for listening to my silent prayers when I needed your ears. Thank you.

To everyone out there, please love your mother. No matter what she is to you, bad, evil, naggy or whatever, she gave you a life and now you are here. Thank her, kiss her, hug her. Anything good to make her think that her sacrifice was worth for us, the lost of youth and wrinkled skin.

Once more, Happy Mothers' Day ^^

God bless us all, Jesus love us all.

Okthxbye

I am that friend

I am that friend who secretly wants it to end. Seeing your bestfriend change totally for a guy negatively, I just dont like it. I may sound bad but how I wished he never have a thought of calling her, "Little sis."

If it wasnt his word, maybe things would be better. Maybe my bestie and Nat wouldnt be so hateful to one another. Maybe I will not be worrying at much. Maybe our clique was laughing as much as we did in our first year, dorkiness in pictures, hanging out together. Maybe nothing could have changed.

Okay, he is a good brother but why are things like this now? Have they ever thought for the people around them? How they felt? How I feel now, disturbed, a little annoyed, fed up but want to help and see it being solved. The biggest problem is that I see how it can be solved but both of them cant *face palm*

Come on! You two are bro-sis, right? What is there to be stressed about? Everyone should never ever keep everything in, like how I did. It is not fun and it is not to anyone's advantage, not yours, not his. That is all. Talk things out, make sure the other party knows what the limit is. If you don't do anything like that, don't expected anything of your expectation from the other person.

I am not like telling the world how I feel but I just really had to let it out, pour out my feelings here. It is my blog anyway, no one cares.

So what happened to my clique? Well.. I don't know.. Maybe they also feel a change too? Who knows.

Someday, when I dare to, I will invite my clique to some session where we are talk things out, spill out our feelings so that we know more about each other.
That is not a bad idea, is it?

Well, you know, if you don't communicate well with your friends, how can you expect the 100% of it? Right? But I just hope everything will be back like what it used to be in the past. We will all be inviting each other to hang out and stuff like that. I actually had a must-do list with my clique but it was kinda useless because I never dared to ask. Now? Ask now? Too late already. With my parents' control and my timidness, I missed out my chance to pull myself closer to them.

I will take a chance to tell God something.

Dear God, 
Are you fine up there? I bet you are. How is everything? People getting their karma in a rightful way? Can I just ask something? I want to know if when it is going to be over. I want my old friend back. She has changed so much for her 'bro'. I know, there is karma and stuff like that but I want her back, the real her. She used to be a girl who eats a plate of rice during rice, a cheerful girl. You know? But now, everything changed since the problem of he-is-such-a-dumbass started. She stop her eating habits, she kept falling sick or injure herself; mentally and physically. 
And why did they become bro-sis? Don't you see what is happening, my friends fall out because he was her ex and she thinks he broke up with her for my friend. And why us? We all used to the world's best of the best of the best friends. We hanged out together, go crazy and spazzing around school. Why isn't it happening in this recent days? Or is May my unlucky month? I hope so. I hope that after May, everything will be fine. Can it be fine, God? I don't want it to be awkward again. Me and Nad had a short conversation. Though it was awkward but we are trying to keep it going and stuff like that. I don't know for her but that is what I think. I hope all the conversations I will have with my JJNN will be long and last as much as it will. 
God, you may treat this as if I am begging you. I know life is unfair but I am willingly to let you remove 10 years of my life for me to have my clique united as one again. Please. I am willingly to have hard times but as long as I can get my clique back together again, anything I shall do for you.
Thank you, my Lord. I hope you can see me typing this and see my sincerity. I know at times, I have been bad but just this times, please. Let it stop. Let it be peaceful. And our lives will be more joyful and happier.
Yours sincerely
Sandy Mui Ya JIng


God's a great guy. He is fair.Good karma for the good, bad karma for the bad. I want to thank him. Thank you, God. I hope all sins done by our people will be forgiven and seen as nothing because, God, they are innocent and they have no idea what they are doing.
May the Lord be with all of us, God bless us, Jesus love us; wherever and whenever.


Okthxbye