Haters and stuff like that

Well.. I have said a lot of this kind of things. You know, some anti fan cursing your idol, insulting about their looks and voice and you wanna slap that person right in the face. Most of this happens in the Kpop fandom. Seriously, I nearly see this in English Pop because all the fans support each other A LOT. We, Kpop fans? No- Okay. Maybe we do but not as good as others. Once there is on anti page, all the fans go there as if it was meant for them when it is titled 'Anti XXXXX'. Then they start a fan war .__. OMG Why.

"You all are jealous of her"

"She is perfect"

"You all are uglier"

"They did not do plastic surgery"

People, Fans, Antis or whoever you are, Listen up. Fans, I may want to be like you and fight against the antis of Donghae and Tiffany but what is the point? It is not like they going to listen to you, right? And insult the antis does not make you ANY BETTER? You make yourself just like INSULTORS. For Antis, okay. Chill. I know, you hate this band and their fandom. It is not wrong to hate and comment on the negative side of them but can you all keep it a little down? I mean.. If you make it BIG, the fans will know. And you know is next? World War is going to start. It is the waste of time and sweat, right? The invasion of your 'Fun' is not good, agree? Exactly. You all keep it down and we, Kpop fans, will not know.

Why I am saying this? My generation is so weird and I am tired now to watch this *facepalm* Oh My God Why. My generation, Y U NO NORMAL? I dont want to live in this world anymore. I mean, typing your arguements in the comment box and send to the other person? Dont you think it is pointless? Dont you feel.. Stupid? You know what, when Idols dont really care and ignore the insults, why do you need to over react? Seriously? You have to? No right. Like all of us, Idols cannot satisfy EVERYONE. And please, face it. Nobody is perfect. I know my Donghae is perfect because I always say it in my tumblr posts, but you cannot say that on anti pages. If my idol was perfect, I would hate that person. Be so perfect, for what? Imperfection makes you yourself, You are you. So stop saying your idol is perfect on anti pages. Lastly, appearance insults. Please, JUST STOP IT.. T.T My life. I wanna cry at this generation.. The anti did not insult YOU. Did the anti say your name? No. And if the idol ignores it, just stop it. Alright? Is that okay?

This post goes to big fandoms especially SONEs and ELFs. Our idols are a family. I am SONELF. How am I going to live my life? Cut my body into half and one of each go to one fandom? Please. Super Junior and SNSD are friends in a compeitive industry, they are like friends in a class. You know? Challenging for your grades? It is just like that. If you can go well with your classmates, so can they. Nothing is unfair between them. If it isnt for Super Junior, it isnt. If it isnt for SNSD, it isnt. Just let God decide because he knows what is right. Respect his decisions and shut up.

I am sorry for the tone I used. But I got enough. It is so irritating though I said it a thousand times. Fans out there, if anyone insults your idol, say this, "You hate my idol? All that matters is I love my idol. That is all."

Then you leave it and go fangirl or fanboy at your idol instead. Make your life worthy, you only live once.

So peace out.

God bless you, Jesus love you. May the lord bless everyone.

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Guilt

After I tell you the incident, you will think it is just a small thing, no big deal. But to me, it is not. You all do not know who I am, what I have learnt and how I currently feel about it. I feel terribly guilty.

It was a normal Home Economics practical lesson, everyone was cooking but this time, we can cook anything edible. CQ and I were cooking our spaghetti across MHC's table. He kept joking, we kept laughing and stuff like that. I thought today was a great day and since it was practical, it would be a good timing to joke around with MHC because that is what we always do usually. 
After the spaghetti was ready and served on the table, I went over to his table with CQ, to check on his and his friend's cooking. Actually, MHC already done his cooking and it was a plate of fried rice which looked appealing to me but there was eggs, so I couldn't eat. So his friend, Kimchi was cooking fried noodles. It looked kinda awesome too but they had eggs too. I just stood there, staring at it. //Remember, I wanted to joke with MHC as a friend.// Something came to my mind at that time.
"Eh, MHC. See lah. Kimchi is a good cook. A great man. You eh? Only bring ingredient.." (There are a few things I am sure that I left out, for sure.)
He looked fine after I said that because he was talking to Ms Lim. But when he came back, his face changed, it changed into a terribly pissed face. What happened? He may be a guy but he is a friend to be, okay? I care, I care for everyone in class. Then a feeling came to me automatically - was it my fault?

I was right. 

It was.

It was me.

It was my fault.

My fault.

My hands was shaky has guilt came over my inner self. How am I going to apologize? Wouldn't be it awkward?
I didn't wanna apologize, I didn't wanna do it in front of the class, you know? Those shitty rumors may go around which are usually made by the big mouths of nosy people. And, I admit, this face of mine does want to be lost, I care a lot of what others think about me, I care too much.
But soon, I came to my senses. If I was sincere, I wouldn't have to text him I was sorry. If I was truly sincere, I wouldn't care about my image. Then, I decided.

"I must apologize verbally."

I told myself. But at this time, the bell rang. Every student would run out, wouldn't they?
"SGA! SGA! Go call MHC for me! I want to apologize!" I shouted, seriously, leaving image aside, I shouted in the kitchen. SGA helped me called him. But, of course, when he heard it was me, he obviously turn away. But it did not discourage me from apologizing. 
"MHC! I am sorry!"
I shouted twice (I think..), but he walked away rushingly. Mentally, I sighed.
When I saw him at the stairs, I shouted sorry again. But ignorance kept coming in to me. I sighed once more. I gulped but I didn't wanna show SGA my veryveryveryveryvery sad and depress face (Tell y'all why later) since we were chatting about other things. 
Though I wanted to apologize once more, I knew it was not going to work or make MHC that he forgave. I will let time do the work. Hoping my apologies would work, I left the school with regret.


I know, to you, it is nothing.

Angry ah? Let him be lah!

I heck care him, like that also cannot joke one!

Joke nia. Like that also can angry. He siao

LOL It is not like you ask him to angry.

No. It is not like that. I have learnt about of other stuff to make me what I am today, I think differently.
Okay, he may say his ambition is a singer but he may like cooking too. I may have 'insulted' him to cause him like this. Because I know how it feels to be given negative comments of what you like to do. I don't  know if I am right but it isn't the main point. 

Just imagine how your mood is right now. And how many people you would be interacting with. 10? 13? And just think, if you carry anger or a heavy stone in your mood, how much it affects the people you interact with. And how many people can these group of people would affect? 

Exactly!

It can be a BIG number! (This is the reason why I didn't give SGA that face) I feel guilty now.. For the number of people that will be affected by him.. Okay. I may be thinking too much but what makes me guilty the most is what I have said. What was he feeling? Hurt? Sad? How is feeling now? Is he okay now?
Another mental sigh.
I hope he is fine- MHC, if you are reading, do not think I am posting it to get to be soft-hearten to forgive me. No. I am never like this. It is my blog, I write. whatever I want to write. No. It is a blog where I post things up about things that happen and what I feel. Guilt, of course I will post, no matter who I offended, my mum, my sister, you, CQ or anyone I know. I hope you understand that people like me and you make mistakes, okay? I know that I shouldn't said that but we are friends, aren't we? I hope you understand how I feel too. I am terribly sorry. I hope anger isn't vented on someone else, but I know CQ felt so I know how it feels being affected. Being affected by negative emotions isn't fun. So all I wanna affect others is with my jokes, smile and laughter because being sad or angry is not good for health. People who are happier most of the time do not fall sick easily.
Talking about falling sick, people, please take care of your health. Take your umbrella out in case it rains. Drink more water.
And may God bless us, Jesus loves us.
Remember, every emotion you carry to face others can affect them, no matter positively or negatively.
Okthxbye

Seeing it as a third person

From the start, a few months ago, I had a bad feeling that things will go wrong. It was not what I hoped, it was just a feeling. Now, after seeing overall, the feeling proved it; you are weaker in health, your emotions run on a bumpy hill, things were not like how I hoped it would be, you were not like who you were in the past; they changed you indirectly. At first, to you, SGA was a great and fun brother to have. Now, you seemed to be unhappy. I heard all of the stories, as a bestie, of course I understand. I understand a lot. I even know how you feel. From your view, he is not doing his job, his life just need HoN, he does not care, he is blind enough not to see what is happening to you. For MHC, from your view, it was the opposite. From a you-thought-was-pervy&useless guy, he turn out to be more caring and careless about gossips, he sees you as the number one. When you fell, he checks on you and made sure you were okay. When you were hungry but insisted on not eating, he chose to fork out money to buy something for you to eat and make sure you do so. He turned out to be sensible, warming, loving and proving himself as your brother. I know, SGA is such a jerk. But stop and think, what is he feeling now? Is he really what you think he is? What if you mistaken everything for all this time?

Okay. Forget about the questions. Let's talk about your brothers from what I am viewing. MHC, I do agree. He has changed a lot. He more reponsible now. He is not a 'sissy', though he sings like one he is more courageous than we thought. MHC has all of it; the warmth of the love that a brother and sister should have, the caring you want to feel, the things you expected. From my view, it was normal because I am too big sized to have a brother I personally think that was what a brother should do. SGA, from my view, okay, he acted for a jerk for a period of time. But he wants to care. He wants to give what the expectations are. He wants to the number one. He always has been trying to be good. He wants to bring in some sprinkles of happiness into your used-to-be-gloomy days by making you laugh. Knowing that it may not work ALL the time, he always want to try. Though I find him irritating when he finds me to ask about you, it shows me how he wants to give you what you want. He just dont know what to do. He shows me that he wants to care but not sure how to show. Questions he ask also show me one important thing, how much he wants the brother and sister relationship to go on smoothly. It proves a lot in the past. Now, from what he texts you and what his reponses are, he has tiredness growing in him. He is tired of fufilling, tired of facing everything everyday, tired of not knowing what to do. I know you may be thinking, it was damn obvious! I showed everything, i showed a lot!

I know. But no one said he got the body language, right? Everyone is different, some are fast, some are slow, some just do not get it. MHC is MHC, SGA is SGA. That is that. They care for you from what they have exprienced, what they know and they feel. My friend, I know you may read this. I hope you are not angry or upset. I am not taking sides, you or SGA. I just cannot bear to watch how things are going now. I wanna see a truly happy friend again. I wanna friend who always anticipate the food she is going to have during to have. I wanna see my friend be who she was back then. I hope you understand. I hope after reading this, it brings you to a second thinking. I want the good for you. Because.. I am tired, I cant help a lot but just watch the situation flow up and down, up and down. But I am not washing my hands like how my mum wants me to do. I want to be a bestfriend. I want to care. I want to help. That is all I want to say. If you are still going to think negatively, do negative things to yourself, have negative emotions at school, I really dont know what to do. I have done the best I can.

I hope you would think more before you move your next move but in what ever you do or say, just like God above you, I will always be there for you, always.

"Whatever happens, do not betray God. Do not blame him for anything that happens; REJOICE"
--Janice from Jayesslee

There are times we cannot change a lot of things surrounding us. But we can change what’s inside us. Having faith to our God, that He knows exactly what He’s doing surely makes a difference…every time. 

God gave us another day because as days go by, it brings us closer to the value He wants us to learn

Okthxbye

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