Feelings they can't touch

It is hard to express your feelings. You don't know if it is appropiate. You don't want to be too revealing or too lacking. That is the hard part. But we got to face it. Well, at least I do. You see, I have made an artificial world of my own. Use some of your imagination, it will help, trust me. The world is bright but not overwhelming. No destroying of nature or the human race. Everyone was kind and forgiving. No corruption or discrimination.
But as you and I know things won't happen that way. When there is the good, there is the bad. It is just whether you get treated well or not. God is fair? I think so. It is just good and bad karma all these while. What do I mean by 'all these while'? It is just me all the time. Doing silly shit and overthinking. Both add together, no good. Trust me, it is no good plus BULLSHIT. Doing wrong stuff is worse enough but then comes the overthinking process. That makes EVERYTHING worse. Bull craps we humans go though for.
What happened to me?
I don't know where to start.
Maybe I don't even want to. You know, it is hard to explain sometimes because things just happen too fast for me. I am puzzled, sad, angry and happy at the time. And sometimes, feelings just go numb.
Problems becomes so big that I don't even dare to tell my family. It is hard, you see. Nothing on earth is easy. So it is hard for them to know why I do things like that, why I changed my style or why I changed.
"What happened? Tell me,"
If I could easily say it, I would. What hurts the most is not what had passed, is the painful flashbacks because they are already gone.
Sorry, my family.
In the end of the day, it is my fault. I know.
Sorry that I have problems again and again.
Once I solved on, another three comes on. I am like 'since when did this shit happened'. I tried being strong, showing my persistance. But being human, we all get tired if things. And I did. I kind of thought it was pointless.
No one in school cares if you are dying inside. When you cry, they watch the show. No one is going to be there for us eventually. Things change as we grow older. Unless you are lucky to have a life-long friend around to be there for you.
I do have a childhood friend but... She can't be around 24/7. Now she has gone to her grandparents' to stay there, I hardly can find someone now to listen and understand, give me a hug and tell me that it is alright.
Forget about that part.
Lots of shit has gone wrong for me. And here, I am letting it out. I don't think anyone is going to read it anyway.
But like they say, there is going to be a rainbow after the storm.
Nothing will last forever.
For those who are going through shits like me, don't let it kill you. You have a long way to go. Things looks bad and as if there is no end. But trust me, it will make you stronger.

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